🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many gay men engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.